Mar. 22nd, 2011

ckocher: (Default)
If you were offered a choice between all the riches of the world or love, which would you choose?

That’s my company’s slogan. Catchy, isn’t it? It’s a bit misleading, since we don’t actually guarantee that you’ll get “all the riches of the world” if you give up love. But it’s enough to catch your eye, to get you thinking.

Who hasn’t been fucked over by love? It’s no big deal, unless you’ve never been in love. Then you kind of crave it. But love - love is where the problems are. Our scientists have studied this for years and they all agree: that chemical malfunction called “love” is the problem, and the cure is to get rid of it. Toss it overboard and it’s smooth sailing from there on out.

Yeah, it took me a while to buy into the whole thing, too. I mean, I get it. When you’re 25, you think love is everything. Makes the world go round, all you need is love, and so on. Then you realize that you’re just horny and that it’s entirely possible to get laid without the complication of love. And that first fuck post-op? Incredible, even more so when you realize that there’s no mess to deal with after. No flowers, no cuddling. Brilliant.

Sure, there are social benefits too. Gotta worry about saving the planet, right? Here, look at the statistics: Domestic violence is down over sixty percent in the last two years since the treatment went public. Divorce rates have dropped, bankruptcy filings are down by a quarter. Hell, even the fundies mostly just mutter to themselves these days.

All this peace and quiet available for you at the bargain rate of $1,999. It’s outpatient surgery, in and out in just under four hours.

Is it reversible? Well, no. But would you want to reverse chemo? Would you want to put the tumor back in? It’s the same thing with this – we’re just repairing where the brain is misfiring. You’ll be thrilled with the results. We guarantee.

Great! You’re absolutely making the right decision. Just scan your print here and we’ll get you scheduled and ready to go. You’re going to love the results. Ha! Well, maybe not.


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December 2012

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